Bubble bath, a book, and Wine.. Oh my!

I thought about these three things pretty much half the day. The other half I spent bawling my eyes out because I started my cycle this morning, which means I am not pregnant, and the only insurance paid round of clomid did not work. Booo. I will put this the least depressing way I can, because the last thing I want is for anyone to feel sorry for me, or to bring anyone down, but I am pretty dissapointed. I have been testing everyday since Sunday and on Monday and Tuesday nights I got a very faint positive. It was there- Matt and I both saw it. It was light, but we looked at it a million times and we both saw it. Then last night, I decided to try a different brand, and it was negative. I cried then, and then had somewhat a bit of hope that there might be something there because I was still very nauseous. And then I started at work this morning, bright and early-and right on time might I add- and all I remember was someone set me off with an indirect comment- and I know nothing was meant by it- and the next thing I know I am having a melt down in my boss's office and my eyes are still swollen and puffy. Thank goodness she is wonderful and understanding, because I felt like a idiot, but really, she was so great about it. I am the most upset because of all the dang symptoms that are so misleading. I knew it could have been the medicine the whole time, I just didnt see how it could still be the medicine this week when I had heart burn, gagging while brushing my teeth, sick ever morning until 11am, STARVING. I figured that shot would have been way out of my system by then. Maybe not, who knows.
So now we move on. We are talking about different options because going ahead with the same route is pretty much out of the question, unless we save for a while and then try again, but like I said in my previous blogs, the same treatment I did this month will be $900 a month going forward and that does not include medication. Do I start saving for this, or do I take a step back and go to the new obgyn and let her take a look at my history? I am sure she could do the same things he does, and at a friendlier rate. Or do I try this "natural doctor" at work that other girls have seen? He regulates hormones and tells my coworkers to make sure they are taking birth control because if not they will be pregnant within a few months. Not sure which road to take. I am sad that I am not pregnant, but I know that the clomid/trigger shot got us closer than we have ever been, and that is comforting. I know God has a plan for us, and this month just wasnt it. I am ready for "our month".

Clomid!!!

The birth control for one month did work. Who knew the very expensive Reproductive Endocrinologist knew what he was talking about?? One month of Loestrin24fe.. a cycle right on time.. 28 days.. a cyst that disappeared, beautiful follicles, and a prescription of 100 mg of CLOMID!! My blood work was also really good. Normally my estrogen is really high for a day 3 blood work, but it was actually normal, as well as the other 3 hormones that are normally a flat ZERO.

I got my prescription filled that next day- as you can imagine that sucker was burning a hole in my pocket And- what is better than a prescription of Clomid? How about a FREE prescription of Clomid for 3 months!! Some promotion they are running that I just happened to be at the right place at the right time for. So my total was $o.oo.. Now- that is recession clomid!

I ordered my HCG shot, Ovudril, as well as the progesterone suppositories all that I begin taking next week. I started the Clomid on Saturday (Cycle day 5), take 2 50 mg pills every night with my dinner, and then I go in on Monday to find out if it worked. They will be looking at my follicles to see if they are ready to hatch eggs. They like to see them between 18 and 22 mm.. Last time I had one HUGE one that was 30 something mm. The nurse was ready to give me a shot that day, but she didn't know I was still testing. Anyways, the shots and suppositories ( I know, it's nasty, I don't even like spelling it out) ran about $100 and they should arrive to my work tomorrow.. on ice.. and then I will have to refrigerate them immediately. My co-workers will love that. I will just place them next to the breast milk that I see from time to time.. ew.

No weird side effects so far on the clomid. I just realized I was really hot, but I don't have my fan on in my bedroom, I have a warm laptop on my lap, and I have two dogs laying on my legs. Probably not the clomid.. I do have some strange scraping feelings on my ovaries. Not like menstrual cramps, but like there is a fingernail scratching them. It's pretty constant but it doesn't bother me. I am the one that will not complain if I were to throw up every single day, twice daily, if I were to get pregnant. I promise, I will be so happy to throw up.

So a little ovary scraping doesn't bother me. Nope. Not in the least.
Thanks for everyone's support and prayers. This is definetely not something you want to go through alone, and I am so thankful I have Matt right there beside me every step of the way. Keep us in your prayers these next few weeks, and I promise to keep you posted. If you have or know of any clomid success stories, please share in my comments!

5 Day Summary..

Lots going on and lots of new information. I hope I remember everything. I almost started making notes so I could keep track , but thought I would be able to remember it all so here goes..
Tuesday 08/25- wrote my last blog- had no cycle, made Dr. Appt with a new OBGYN for my yearly in October, requested all my records from current RE to see if she could help with the clomid.
Wednesday 08/26- STARTED FINALLY! This was day 50 for me. Called the dr. to make appt for my day 3, which was Friday 08/28. Not sure if it was the provera that finally kicked in or if I truly would have started on my own. Anyways, was glad to see it I guess. I also followed up on some emails I had sent to my insurance carrier rep to find out why my visits would be so much, and why wasn't anything covered for me?
Thursday 08/27- got response on my emails, and was referred to this awesome lady named Tina who works for Aetna. She wasnt necessarily in the infertility department, but this lady knew her stuff! She listened to my "rundown" and thought that from what I was saying that my visits should be covered. She urged me to continue to question the office staff at the doctor's office, and I then sent emails back and forth with the office manager. She again told me that my visits would not be covered, and I would have to pay $300 starting that next day. I was prepared for that, but again wrote her back that Aetna just told me that they would be covered, and I never heard back from her.
Friday 08/28- got a phone call from the benefits counselor at the doctors office and she told me that I had to call Aetna's infertility department, register with them, get an authorization number, and bring it to my appointment, because there was going to be ONE MONTH OF CLOMID that Aetna was going to pay for!!!!! Thank goodness I was persistent with my emails!!! They were about to charge me for $900 for the "cycle" and this whole time it was covered???? Makes you wonder what goes on. So I guess if I would not have questioned it they would have ripped me off and been completely ok with it. CRAZY.
I did all the above, got my authorization number, and went to my appt at 11am. They took my blood and I went in "Room #2" and waited for the nurse to start my ultra sound. She came in with my Clomid prescription and a Clomid protocol which was basically a plan for each day of the month, and I was to begin clomid today, Sunday, which was day 5 of my cycle. I had to order an HCG shot that was going to be shipped to me, and I also had that prescription. Then she tells me I cannot start this if my ultrasound shows I have a cyst. Great, you already know where this is going.
She does my ultra sound and I did indeed have a cyst once again on my right ovary. Huge, 33 mm cyst. I was prepared for that at least. She put me on Birth control for one month, to help diminish the cyst, Loestrin24fe, which I started on Friday, prenatal vitamins, and I am supposed to go back next month when I start my cycle again. Which means I will have to go through allllllllll that again with Aetna to get another authorization number and the doctors office again so that they don't charge me $900 instead of running it through my insurance.
We did talk more about the Clomid, and she is starting me at 100mg!!! That really surprised me, because normally you start off at 50 mg and if you don't ovulate with that, they increase it to 100 mg. I guess I just haven't heard of starting off with that much, but it kind of makes me excited! I talked to her about my low carb diet, and told her that it was making me retain alot of water, told her how bloated I had been, and she suggested switching to a low-glycemic diet where you eat "heatltier carbs" which I guess are like whole grains and leafy vegetables. On that note, I am going to do Jenny Craig for a little while because after researching there is no way I can plan my meals on that diet. I would go off track so easily. I have never done Jenny Craig before but Aetna also has discounts for that so that is good news. I start my "meal plans" tomorrow, and got all my groceries today.
Yesterday my dad, Debbie, and Monique came to help us finish our wood floors and helped with the quarter round trim. It looks AMAZING! I will post pictures of it as soon as I finish getting my pillows for my couches. I might even do curtains! I am so proud of Matt, he did a great job, and we couldnt have done it without my folks helping out. My dad has every tool and saw you can think of- he brought two different types of saws with him that were both attached to tables. My garage looked like a "man-cave" and still does with all the saw dust. Before and after pictures coming soon, so stay tuned for that.
We are waiting for Jason's Deli to deliver our dinner, and we are going to cuddle up and watch "the Last House on the Left".

Happy Sunday to ya!